Ben Norcia’s Blog Ep 5: Gratitude

For Colin Sullivan, may he rest in peace. Your story has inspired and encouraged me beyond words, Colin!

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes…”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1‬:‭16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I’ve been going back and forth the last few days on whether or not to write a blog about the last two weeks. It has been a powerful time of reflecting over the last month and a half. Here at training camp, I am so lucky to say God has revealed Himself to me in ways I never could have imagined. It has been incredibly beautiful, and it has been in no way of my own doing, rather, it is a testament to His Love.

Love. None of the teachings or sermons or songs or scripture I’ve been exposed to in the last month have impacted me as profoundly as one simple word. The word “Love” has been everywhere I’ve turned, and it’s made itself noticed at every encounter. Love, In my opinion, is best described in 1 Corinthians 13, my current favorite Bible chapter. I am so blessed to say that this described type of God’s Love, this Agape Love, has been made known to me in the last month and a half. Before now I have somehow never realized that no matter how dark my situation, no matter how undeserving I’ve been, no matter how unworthy of it I may be, it has always been there. Agape means unconditional Love. God has not asked me to earn it, and I’ve certainly never deserved it, yet His Love has always been there, guiding, leading, and being a brilliant, marvelous light for me.

It was not until I arrived here in Gainesville that I opened myself to all that God has been trying to reveal to me all along. In all honesty I state that opening myself to His unconditional Agape Love has changed me in ways I could not begin to express the extent of my gratitude for. I am a new creation, made in God’s righteousness, and this is the best my life has ever been.

On Wednesday, October 4th, I led all of the World Race volunteers and staff with me at the Mayfield Kentucky Samaritan’s Purse base in a morning devotion. I really didn’t think about signing up to lead a morning but something just made me do it. My devotion was on the verse 1 Peter 2:9, which I’ve grown quite fond of over the last few weeks. The verse goes:

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The origin of this verse’s significance to me is quite strange, but it is the truth. At the end of a very confusing conversation with Dawson one night, he encouraged me to journal my dreams. That night, something woke me up from a very bizarre dream which I quickly typed out in my notes app before falling back asleep. When I awoke again and checked my phone for the wisdom my unconscious state had left me with, I was very disappointed. I had recorded some bizarre narrative about cats and golf, and something had inspired me to include the verse 1 Peter 2:9. Fortunately, my initial concern that I was crazy (I honestly didn’t know 1 Peter was a book) proved false, and it was indeed a real verse.

For the devotion, I shared a short version of how I’ve experienced the second sentence of 1 Peter 2:9 (“that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”) in my life. Something has now influenced me to share the full version here on my blog. Sorry for what will come as a surprise, but I will let you know now there is a great ending, and the hero of the story is worth learning about.

The piece that I shared in Kentucky was this about my sophomore year of high school. My sophomore year, my closest friend from middle school was involved in a really bad group and we no longer talked, my parents were in the final year of their marriage, and the covid lockdown was in full effect. There would be days at a time in school without speaking to anyone due to the social distancing. I would go some days at home not speaking to anyone, shutting myself away in the confines of the basement. I fully believed a lie. I believed the lie that I had nobody to talk to. I believed the lie that I was worthless. I believed the lie that my life wasn’t worth living. I fell into a deep depression, had anxiety attacks in school, fell into self harm, and never told anyone. My condition only worsened, until one day, when something asked me the question, “what are you doing?”. I remember those words like it was yesterday. From that moment on, it was not thanks to anything I did, but something pulled me out of that pit and placed my feet back on solid ground. That was now two and a half years ago.

Unfortunately, it was not long before I was introduced to the lie of alcohol, and running from myself was easy. I began partying every weekend my junior year, and it provided me with the validation from others I thought I needed. After a while, something reminded me of my convictions, and made me aware that I was only pretending to be someone I thought people would like. Those convictions grew, and something ended up making me fall away from the party scene and the crowd I was surrounding my insecurities with.

My senior year of high school things really turned around. I was more confident in myself, my grades were better than anything I’d previously gotten in high school, and I was happy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t long before I believed another lie. I did not understand then, but I was still seeking the validation of others to cover the holes of my insecurity. I fell into misusing sex, despite how incredibly convicted I felt about it.

In February of 2023, I attended my school’s Kairos retreat. Something moved me deeply, down to my very core. I felt what I knew was the Love of God, and I knew I was being called into more than I was. I later led the retreat, and it was a beautiful and inspiring experience for me.

Shortly after, it was the deadline to decide on a college but something wouldn’t let me. Something made the very idea of college intolerable to me, and something pushed me toward missions, which I’d never previously considered. I will not claim to be fixed by any means by this point, and this was evident when I fell straight back into old habits on senior week. Something made me feel so convicted that I went home midway through what was supposed to be the best week of summer.

Three months later I arrived in Gainesville, Georgia on Sept 2nd for training camp. I thought I was an imposter. I had no idea what was going on or what I was doing there. Something made short work, however, of igniting a fire within me. On Sep 9th, 2023, I was baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. In that moment, I declared I was giving my life to him.

On Sep 19th, something made me dream about 1 Peter 2:9. Later, on the summit of Mount Yonah under the stars, I intentionally read this verse for the first time.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

In that moment, talking to Clayton and one of the leaders, something made me start to understand my story. All the things I didn’t understand suddenly had an explanation.

Reflecting back on the story, it was something that dragged me out of my depression. It was something that rescued me from a destructive, worldly lifestyle. It was something that made me realize my convictions and part with my mistakes. It was something that made me come on the World Race. It was something that put a verse I didn’t know existed into my dream. It was something that made me share my testimony in a devotion in front of dozens of my friends and construction workers I did not know. It has always been something that pushed for the best version of Ben, no matter how hard I pushed against it. And it was something that called me out of darkness into his marvelous light

So clearly the effect of something on my life cannot be understated. I will also note that something making such a drastic impact on my life doesn’t make sense if something isn’t anything, so that means something has to be something. But something can’t be this intentionally detailed in specific situations. So does this mean that the something that has picked me up every time I’ve fallen, led me back each time I drifted astray, and had Agape Love for me regardless of whether I returned any love at all is actually a someone? It does. I’d encourage you to do as I did that night on top of that mountain, and look back at my life and my testimony with the newfound understanding that that something, is not actually a something but a someone, and that someone has a name, and that name is Jesus.

Now at this point, how could I ever look back in sadness over the unfortunate parts of my story? The story is joyful! The all-knowing, omniscient, boundless God of the universe feels unconditional Love for me. Now is the time to rejoice, and to raise my Hallelujah in all that I do! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus, for it has all been through him, always!

I have been made a new creation, one in which all the best of Ben has been brought into the spotlight, and I can take no credit for any of it. His pursuit of me never wavered, and when I finally allowed him to, Jesus healed me and has made me whole.

HALLELUJAH! Now is the time to rejoice. To rejoice in God, my Savior. Now is the time to Love. I Love my God, I Love my family, I Love my Dad (who is my best friend), I Love my loving Mom, I Love my siblings (Lily if you do gap year after you graduate I’ll definitely think about coming back and squad leading 🙂), I Love my Grandparents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, I Love my friends, and I Love my life! For Love is the greatest of all things, and it comes from God.

My closing thoughts: If you see how no matter my struggle, no matter my sin, no matter the lie I believed, no matter how far I strayed, Jesus never wavered in his pursuit of me. And if when I finally gave in He has made me a new creation, and an infinitely better version of myself, do you think He will do the same for you? It’s easy actually, HE WILL! I Love you a whole lot, I mean you actually read all the way to the end of this, I’m really grateful for that, but it is nothing compared to the Love of Christ. The Agape Love of Christ. All Glory belongs to Him, always! Amen!

With Love,
Ben